The Legend of Zelda: Oceans of Sad
by GestaltReplicant
Summary: Markovian the Zora goes on a quest to rid himself of an accursed curse and save Hyrule through many perilous adventures.  Will he stop the sad?  Takes place between Ocarina of Time and A Link to the Past.


Author's Note: this is my first fanfiction yeah

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: OCEANS OF SAD

Markovian ran across the beach, feeling the beautiful feeling of beauty across his feeling legs and arms. He was running to remove the pain, which had built up so much inside his numerous appendages that he had to run to relieve it - but it was not physical pain, but mental pain, which cannot be healed by physical means but he was trying to relieve it by physical means in order to attempt a situation where his physical healing could somehow relieve the mental issue through a psychological placebo effect, but as is not healing it as is so.

Markovian jumped into the ocean, letting the sea water enter his soul to heal it figuratively speaking. Also figuratively speaking, his soul was healed by the little fishes which swam by his legs, slipping amongst the live water of life and healing. His soul danced amongst the fishes like the greatest leap of a dove across the flame, which might possibly result in roast chicken but not because it's a dove but anyway that would be good. Hs soul was like the water of fire. It was the greatest joy.

In the midst of this rapture, he saw a vision - a vision of sad. Not undertanding this vision in the middle of the ocean, Markovian went out of the water to go see the village elder, the Zora Lady, because he was a Zora and she was his grandmother which was lucky because the Zoras are nepotists and he would be favored with greatest gifts upon her death but he loved her so he didn't want that to happen because he was a good person.

Markovian saw his grandmother cleaning the beach with her long gray hair (A/N: Zora women grow hair long after menopause), and he approached her and said "hey grandma I had a vision of sad." She looked up quickly with a look of surprise and worry on her face and said "a vision of sad? in the ocean? then they are an oceans of sad!" Markovian's pale Zora face was drained of its nonexistant colour at this proclaiming of impending disaster and said "but grandma! if the oceans is oceans of sad, then we have been bathing in them - my soul was bathing in them! my body and soul might be infected with the sad!"

Grandma Elder Zora looked with a wise face and said "you are too true, my grandson Markovian. you must go on a quest to heal the sad with the one thing that will beat it." Markovian was confused and said "and what is that grandma?" and she said "the quest of the wise princess who is the goddess of light good. go to hyrule and get her blessing to heal the oceans so their tears may be silenced and replaced with ecstatic whispers of lovering joy."

Markovian understood immediately and said "of course grandma i will go at once to get the blessing where is the castle?" She raised her pointed Zora nose (A/N: Zora women grow long noses after menopause) to the distant direction and said "in that way you will find a big city full of people and the princess lives in it. speak to her, but beware! there are wicked people in the city who will try to take your money and virginity by bribery. trust no one and find the princess who is the only one you can trust. go now!" Markovian's heart swelled with pride and said "I will leave at once grandma!"

Markovian ran off into the distance, and his grandomother looked at him with a combo of worry, pride and magic. He will be safe in the hearts of people.

...

CHAPTER 2

Markovian moved his legs in a moving fashion across the landscape of the mighty fields of Hyrule. He approached Castle Town with a leisurely jaunt, but was stopped at the gate by a guard who said "halt who goes there! this is the town of Hyrule and those who should not be here shan't be here and must leave the way thus came!" Markovian was shocked by this outburst of petulance, and responded with saying, "i am markovian the zora from the ocean land and am here to see the princess so she can heal our ocean where may i find her?" The knight looked cautiously optimistic and said "princess Zelda lives in the castle but you need to make an appointment. go speak to mister roberto and he will help you see her." Markovian said "okay."

He walked through the gates and was greeted by the colourful sights surrounding him with madness and orgasm. He danced in the city, feeling the eyes of the people linger on his twirling form, with a lust not just for his body but also for his soul. Markovian felt this shift in the world around him as the people slowly made a circle about him, and enclosed him holding money in their perverted hands and saying "we will buy you! take this bribe money so we may take you!" Markovian shoved them away and said "No!"

He dashed into a side alley, the lecherous crowd fanning out trying to find him and a man from the crowd said "search everywhere! one as pure as him is needed to become one of us for our sick sexual nourishment!" Markovian hid in a barrel as he heard men women and children run by speaking of how they would take his purity by force if need be. Grandma Zora was right the people here are monsters!

All of a sudden, a voice said "psst." Markovian looked out of the lone eyehole in the barrel that was put there for reasons unknown to the likes of mortalkind and saw a bald man with a big purple beard just inside the door, flanked by two twin woman with silver hair. The man whispered slightly on the wind enough so Markovian's super Zora ears (A/N: Zora men have super Zora ears) could hear his words which said "we will hide you from the evil crowds we are rebels fighting the evil of the city come now quickly and quietly!"

Markovian rolled his barrel on ths side and rolled across the city block into the man and twins' house, and they shut the door behind him as he popped out of the barrel and said "that was a close one! but who are you?" The man with the purple beard spoke up and said "my name is Garik and i'm the leader of the Cadmium Resistance who are trying to resist against the perverseness of the city. these are my most trusted guards and wives Lela and Lola, who have born me children of the finest calibre. why are you here?"

Markovian began to talk and said "i am here because the oceans have been infected by a curse of sad! the elder told me to come to Hyrule to find the princess so she can heal the oceans and she warned me of the evil people but i did not bare her words dear to my heart! i need to speak to Roberto so i can make an appointment post haste."

Garik nodded and said "good, good. Roberto's a good man who is unaffected by the lechery of the city and he will help you see the princess. though I should warn you that the princess has not been seen for months and it is said she is sick and has been ever since the war. when you see her, tell her that the people love and need her and wish her to get well soon."

Markovian agreed and said "i will, but what war? i had heard tellings of danger in the lands of Hyrule but knew nothing to myself what happened?"

Lela and Lola shivered and ran out of the room, silver hair glinting in the musty light of the little house. Garik's face turned to a shade of darker sadness and said "a few months ago the hero of Hyrule was defeated in war with the evil wizard Ganondorf. The princess was only just able to banish him to the desert with the help of the seven sages who are now in early retirement to spend their days relaxing and playing recreational paint. Zelda is now sick and is unable to stop the city from falling into a storm of sex and drugs and bribery. these are dark days." Garik put his face in his hands after the sad story.

All of a sudden, an idea came to Markovian like thunder at noon and said "could it be she has been infected by the sad! if so, then we might not be able to heal the oceans and my soul! i can only hope she has not been so where is Roberto i must meet him."

Garik smiled and said "i like that go-get attitude. there is a secret passage in the fireplace that will take you to Roberto's house without fear of traveling through the horny streets. and i should warn you about the people, they do not want your body but your soul so they may take your virginity to make you a dirty person so you become one of them like a vampire sickness. oh what dark days! but anyway here's the passage. go now and do not fail! we trust in you!"

Markovian said "YES" and went through the passage, leaving Garik and his wives behind. Lela and Lola came up to Garik and said "do you really think he can make it and save the city?" and Garik said "he must for he is our only hope." The sisterwives agreed and prayed to the goddesses for peace and joy.

...

CHAPTER 3

Markovian huddled his way through the cavern of dankness, feeling his appendages shuffle against the moist stone like a castanet over a shimmering bed. His Zora legs dragged behind him in a relatively aching format, and his arms pulled him forward across the little cave of such hidden secrets. I wonder what Roberto is like and i hope he is nice and has food and medicine for these aches in my arms and thighs. Just when it seemed the passageway would never end and continuously go through an endless cycle to the very pits of darkest hell in in the depths of that which is is never ending but so, Markovian hit a wall and pushed it out of his way, bringing light into the dark tunnel where it hadn't shone for countless millennia.

"good gracious me, who is this person crawling into the house from a hidden passageway and why is he here?" shouted a nearby woman who twirled and fainted on the spot, champagne in her hair. Two other women saw this and said "oh what a dirty sight, he is surely here to rape us with much dark pleasure and fallacy! we must run!" They ran away in their posh dresses, and a man who heard the ruckus came in with a giant war axe shouting and said "who would dare cross into the house of roberto the wise. i will make you lesser than an cow when i have cleaved your mind from your self with this axe of glory?"

Markovian said "no wait!" and the man stopped and said "why should i? you are scum from the streets who wishes to bribe us into allowing you to penetrate us in so many foul places such as the anus or nostril. you shoud die for your pusilamaniosnes!" and Markovian said "but i was escaping from the evil ones and was sent here by garik to see the good roberto!" and the axe man said "oh why didn't you say so, i assume you wish to make an appointment with the princess? i will take you to roberto follow me" and Markovian said "okay" and the man said "good".

The man walked up a set of triangular stairs and opened a door encrusted with rubies of purest velvet fire and painted with blue of the surest cerulean, and inside was a hearty man who gave off an aura of the warmth of the sun that could both bring a soul to happiness and burn a heathen in its flaming austaciousnocity. he was writing a letter with the very power of Din herself and was lost in its contents like an olive of light let loose upon a swirling cyclone of ecstatic furious fire that never ended and went on to the very pits of hell and the heights of heaven and brought them together in a storm of color that was set atop an olive of light - oneness and manyness in one and many.

Markovian was so humbled by the internal justice of the man before him that he was embarassed to let someone as cursed as himself enter into his presence lest he be judged for his foolishness and mackerel. Before he could say anything, Roberto spoke up and said "do not worry about thy cursedness, i am a good person and welcome all to my room whether thee are good or not." and Markovian said "how did you know i was thinking that?" and Roberto said "i hath telekinesis."

Roberto got up and laughed like the sun laughs away stormclouds at sea in power and might of storm of light, and said "please Markovian sit down for we have much to discuss. i know thy wish to see the princess, and thou will but now we must talk about things fit to be talked about by men of our stature. please sit." Roberto waved his hand and made a chair appear from a firestorm of beautious pyrotelekinetical strength, and Markovian sat in it. Roberto sat back down in his chair and said "now tell me Markovian of what thou hast seen in thine travels."

Markovian said "i was in the ocean and had a vision of sad, and the elder said it meant they were oceans of sad. i came to Hyrule to ask princess Zelda to bless the oceans so they may be happy again, but the people of the city tried to steal my innocence and rape it dead. i was saved by Garik the leader of the Cadmium Resistance and his wives the sisters Lela and Lola, and he showed me a passage which took me here." Roberto leaned back and said "so thou arest true. very well, i will take you to Hyrule Castle to see the sick princess, but always be wary for there is evil everywhere in these dark times. your oceans are not the only oceans of sad..."

Roberto got up and looked out the window, his face framed like the weeping embers of a summer's night bonfire at midnight with thoughts of deep thinking. "the brains of the people are an oceans of sad. their souls are an oceans of sad. this whole din damned city is an oceans of sad! Markovian it is you who must not only heal your ocean but also the whole of Hyrule. you must remove it from this accursed curse and save your land in the process. are thou ready for this quest?"

Markovian said "yes i am!" and Roberto laughed and said "good then we will go at once. come, we leave for the CASTLE!"

...


End file.
